The Tudyk Trilogy: Wreck-It Ralph (part 4)
Aug. 6th, 2015 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spiderbraidsBack with Felix and Calhoun now, and they're surveying the damage from the pod crash: "I’ll say this much, they don’t call your friend Wreck-It for nothing." They find the pod empty, and Calhoun adds: "Lucky for him, otherwise I would have slapped his corpse." (Would you believe that, at least in Asia, Disney Channel edits out the corpse-slapping comment?) She takes out a sensor to look for the Cybug before it lays its eggs, but the sugar in the atmosphere is jamming her sensor. So anyways, she asks about why Ralph went AWOL (Calhoun's words) and Felix recaps, adding that he never thought he'd go Turbo, and now we finally get an explanation for the jargon: Seems that decades ago, some racing game called Turbo Time was the most popular game in the arcade, and Turbo (dude in a white and red helmet who apparently likes to say "Turbo-tastic!") loved the attention, until Roadblasters (another actual arcade game!) got plugged in and siphoned off his business with its better graphics, so Turbo went over to Roadblasters and ended up glitching both games out of service. And in a nice touch, the flashback showing this is presented in lower resolution, with video scanlines and everything.
Back in the present, Calhoun trots out yet another bizarro analogy, as he describes Turbo as "like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale" :-D Felix is expressing his concern about the same thing happening to his game, when suddenly, the double-striped tree trunk they're walking on suddenly disappears, because double stripes break, ga-doi :-D
The two of them drop into Nesquik sand, as the conveniently-placed sign declares. Felix notices a bunch of vines above the sandpit, but his attempts to jump out of the sand to grab them are hopeless, or should that be hopless? Felix's panicked... panicking is getting a bit over the top, so Calhoun gives him a good slapping... prompting laughter from the vines. Wait, what?
So anyways, the vines are Laffy Taffy and they're attracted to anything that makes them laugh. Felix has Calhoun hit him again... and that really small slap isn't what Felix or the Taffy were hoping for, so Felix wants it harder (wow, that sounds dirty ;-)). Calhoun: "Look, you’re a nice guy, I can’t-" Felix: "No, ma’am! The arcade is depending on us. Now do your duty, that’s an or--" SLAP! Now that's more like it... Calhoun sees the damage that her slap caused to Felix's eye, but Felix says "I can fix it :-)" So we have a wacky sequence of Felix repeatedly getting punched in the face and them tapping himself with his hammer to revert it back to normal :-) Eventually, the Taffy comes down enough for them to grab and free themselves from death by chocolate milk mix, and the Taffy settles them onto a regular candy tree trunk, before starting to sing lovey-dovey music, and forming a heart shape around the lovebirds :-D
And yes, it's as silly as it sounds :-)
(Disney Screencaps)
Okay, Calhoun's had enough, so she dismisses the Taffy with some gunshots, and decides to have Felix fix the pod. While this is going on, the rogue Cybug is deep underground, chewing on a candy tree root and changing into its colors. Ooohh...
We see a really big factory building, where Ralph and Vanny are sneaking past a sleeping guard. This is of course the Kart Bakery, and the two come across a locked big green door with a crossed out picture of Vanny on it and the caption "No Glitches", prompting Ralph to comment: "You're a full on criminal, aren’t you?" Vanny has Ralph punch open the door, revealing a dark room with a red button in the middle. After pressing the button to reveal panels with pictures of karts on them, Vanny tells Ralph they actually have to make themselves a kart... Ralph: "What? No, no no. Look, kid, bad idea, trust me. I don’t make things, I break things." Vanny: "Well, looks like you’re gonna be stepping outside your comfort zone then, Gladys :-)" Wait, a Portal reference from her of all people?
After selecting herself a kart, the panel lifts to reveal a kart assembly line (bakery-themed, of course!) That's right, kart making is its own minigame :-) and they have one minute to win it (ooh, where's Guy Fieri? ;-)) The wide shot of each section is presented as if we were watching them play the game (replete with 3D-friendly zooming captions! :-)) The first is mixing, which calls for Vanny to use a steering wheel to tilt a teeter-totter to, as the voiceover explains, "Put the ingredients in the bowl and throw away the trash." And not vice versa, as Vanny is doing, as a hairbrush and a pair of undies join a TV, a hydrant, and a traffic cone in the mixing bowl, while a couple bags of flour and some eggs drop into the bin :-/
Ralph decides to take things into his own (enormous) hands by getting on the teeter-totter and punching the incoming stuff into its proper place, and ends up falling into the mixing bowl and getting himself whipped up with the ingredients :-D before being thoughtfully tossed out of the bowl :-) Okay, on to stage 2, baking: "Pump up the heat and hold the perfect temperature." This is done using a bike pump attached to the oven, which half-pint Vanny has no hope of operating... and which Ralph breaks in one push :-D So yeah, Ralph has to use his ginormous lungs to blow the needed wind into the oven, and he's near out of breath by the time the oven dings :-D
15 secs left for the final stage, decorating! In which Ralph has to shoot the appropriate targets on the decorating tubes with eggs (using a chicken shaped gun :-)) starting with wheels: "How many?" "Four, ga-doi :-)" Next up is a butt-load of frosting. Ralph hits the frosting... and causes a cascade of tube wreckage, with pretty much every kind of frosting and sprinkles dropping on the newly-baked kart :-D I've heard about going for broke, but this is ridiculous ;-)
Okay, so time's up and out comes the new kart...
And ain't she a beaut? :-)
(Disney Screencaps)
Ralph doesn't seem to like this hot mess very much, but Vanny loves it a lot, and even adds: "A work of art like this must be signed." With icing :-)
We get a good look at the security guard, and he's the mascot of cream puff chain Beard Papa :-) He notices the exhaust coming out the chimneys and sees (only) Vanny on his screens, and informs the King about it...
Back inside, the kart has been signed Made by Vanellope AND RALPH (emphasis NOT mine). Hey, Ralph did most of the heavy lifting, so it's only fair that he gives himself some credit ;-)
Vanny: "Whoa. You have teeth? I don't think I've ever seen you smile before." Ralph: "I’m not smiling. I was...I’m gassy, okay? :-)"
Suddenly, the door behind them opens to reveal King Candy, his donut cops, and some reinforcements, and he's pretty surprised to see Ralph is still in the game. Since Ralph's still holding the icing bag, he squeezes it right at the King and tells Vanny to start the kart. Vanny drops a bombshell: "I don’t know how to drive a real kart." "You don't what?!" :-D As the King makes a bon mot about being glazed :-D Ralph decides to propel the new kart along the ground, breaking a window in the process :-) as the King and his posse give chase in their vehicles. The truck carrying the reinforcements crashes after Vanny has Ralph make a hard turn off the road, before telling him to head to Diet Cola Mountain, which of course looks like a soda bottle. Vanny then has Ralph head towards the wall, more specifically an arch made of two sugar-free lollipops (Ralph: "Are you crazy?!?") Much to Ralph's surprise, they go straight through the wall and into the mountain, crashing inside... Outside the mountain, the King is puzzled at their sudden disappearance, and orders the donut cops to look for and destroy the kart, before driving off in disgust.
Inside the mountain, Ralph is really peeved that any hopes of ever getting that medal back now rest on a girl who can't even drive. Vanny: "Look wise guy, I know I’m a racer. I can feel it in my code." Vanny asks what's the deal with the medal, so Ralph explains that he lives in the garbage in his game and runs off a laundry list of how that medal was supposed to improve his life... including pie :-) Ralph: "It’s grown up stuff. You wouldn’t understand." Vanny: "No, I get it. That’s exactly what racing would do for me." Nevertheless, Ralph stomps down in frustration and suddenly hears an explosion from behind him, so he decides to check it out...
Ralph sees a big cavernous space, with a lake filled with soda and candy stalactites. He reads the convenient sign: "Diet cola hot springs. Watch out for falling Mentos." Vanny demonstrates by throwing a rock at the bottommost Mento on one stalactite, making it fall into the hot springs, and you know what happens when Mento meets diet cola? Sploosh!
Ralph gets splashed by the hot cola, as Vanny explains their surroundings, which includes a half-built track made of wafers, with a big jump over the cola: "I think it’s some sort of unfinished bonus level. Pretty cool, huh? I found that secret opening, and now I live here." Vanny shows off her (very) humble abode, where she wraps herself up in her candy wrapper blanket "like a little homeless lady :-)" Vanny lives here alone with the garbage, because "everyone here says I’m just a mistake, and that I wasn’t even supposed to exist. What do you expect?" Ralph asks why she doesn't just leave, and Vanny reveals: "Glitches can’t leave their games. It’s one of the joys of being me :-/" (And that's why a Portal reference makes no sense coming from her :-/) This will be important later, but anyways...
At this point Ralph begins to realize that he and Vanny are in the same boat, kindred spirits if you will, and decides to help out a fellow outcast the only way he knows how... by repeatedly slamming his fists into the ground to flatten it out. Vanny: "Hey, what are you doing? I know it’s a dump, but it’s all I got!" Ralph completes a circuit around the lake: "If you’re going to be a racer, you have to learn how to drive, and you can’t do that... without a track." Vanny is amazed at Ralph's mad road-making skills, as Ralph brings in her kart. Vanny is excited about learning to drive, but realizes something and asks: "Wait. Do you know how to drive?" Ralph: "Yeah. I mean, I haven’t done it, but look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?" Vanny: "You crashed it." :-D
So anyways, after Vanny starts the kart, Ralph looks at the three "buttons" on the floor, and Vanny corrects him: "Pedals." Ralph continues to show his lack of automotive knowledge, calling two of the pedals the go pedal and the stopper. He has no clue what the third one does, until Vanny fiddles with the joystick and gets the kart into gear, making it fly out of Ralph's grasp and making Ralph fall flat on his face :-D
And then we launch into a training montage, with a song choice that is either utter genius, or utterly tasteless: Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive" :-)
Now extra Hilarious in Hindsight :-)
(YouTube)
We see Vanny ramming Ralph with the front of her kart. Then ramming him with the back end. Then running into a stalagmite and the stalagmite falling over and hitting Ralph :-D
Okay, now time to actually show Vanny gradually improving her driving skills from non-existent to something resembling actual competence :-) So, Vanny starts to drive better, by which I mean she's no longer crashing into stalagmites and knows when to shift the gears, and look at her go... Vanny: "I told you, racing's in my code! :-)" Ralph's happy because winning back that medal is now an actual possibility. She decides to drive on the half-built wafer track, where she shows some awesome drift skills, but hitting the jump shows up a new issue with that glitch of hers: she and her kart suddenly glitch upwards mid-jump, causing her kart to clip a Mentos stalactite, dropping a whole bunch of them into the hot springs, and sending Ralph scurrying for dear life :-D
After making the jump and returning to Ralph's track, Vanny asks how she did. Ralph: "Well, you almost blew up the whole mountain..." And then on cue, another Mento drops into the cola with a SPLOOSH! :-D Vanny: "Right, right, that's a good note :-)" Ralph's not very happy about it: "You've got to get that glitch under control, kid!" Vanny promises she will, and asks what chance she has of winning. Ralph: "...Tiny." Vanny runs around enthusiastically and gives Ralph a fist bump: "Top shelf!"
Back at the King's castle, a stressed out King Candy is getting a fanning from Sour Bill when the donut cops return, and they didn't find Vanny either. Times like these call for desparate measures... so he heads to a vault guarded with a game controller. One guess as to the combination ;-)
(For the non-gamers in the audience, it's the Konami code :-))
With a licorice rope around his waist, the King heads into a big void filled with interconnected icons: "The code... It's the sweet life blood of the game." King looks around for the winner's cup and after finding it, double taps it to reveal icons for the coins... and Ralph's medal, which he takes. Next stop: A super-sized icon marked King Candy, which he again double taps and inserts the medal icon, after which the medal then appears on his neck. Nifty. He has Sour Bill pull him back out, and puts the candy in charge of the castle while he's out. And we ominously pull back out of the tangle of icons to reveal a single lonely icon far away from the others... marked Vanellope von Schweetz. Ooh...
Coming up: Time for some emotional wreckage...
Back in the present, Calhoun trots out yet another bizarro analogy, as he describes Turbo as "like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale" :-D Felix is expressing his concern about the same thing happening to his game, when suddenly, the double-striped tree trunk they're walking on suddenly disappears, because double stripes break, ga-doi :-D
The two of them drop into Nesquik sand, as the conveniently-placed sign declares. Felix notices a bunch of vines above the sandpit, but his attempts to jump out of the sand to grab them are hopeless, or should that be hopless? Felix's panicked... panicking is getting a bit over the top, so Calhoun gives him a good slapping... prompting laughter from the vines. Wait, what?
So anyways, the vines are Laffy Taffy and they're attracted to anything that makes them laugh. Felix has Calhoun hit him again... and that really small slap isn't what Felix or the Taffy were hoping for, so Felix wants it harder (wow, that sounds dirty ;-)). Calhoun: "Look, you’re a nice guy, I can’t-" Felix: "No, ma’am! The arcade is depending on us. Now do your duty, that’s an or--" SLAP! Now that's more like it... Calhoun sees the damage that her slap caused to Felix's eye, but Felix says "I can fix it :-)" So we have a wacky sequence of Felix repeatedly getting punched in the face and them tapping himself with his hammer to revert it back to normal :-) Eventually, the Taffy comes down enough for them to grab and free themselves from death by chocolate milk mix, and the Taffy settles them onto a regular candy tree trunk, before starting to sing lovey-dovey music, and forming a heart shape around the lovebirds :-D
And yes, it's as silly as it sounds :-)
(Disney Screencaps)
Okay, Calhoun's had enough, so she dismisses the Taffy with some gunshots, and decides to have Felix fix the pod. While this is going on, the rogue Cybug is deep underground, chewing on a candy tree root and changing into its colors. Ooohh...
We see a really big factory building, where Ralph and Vanny are sneaking past a sleeping guard. This is of course the Kart Bakery, and the two come across a locked big green door with a crossed out picture of Vanny on it and the caption "No Glitches", prompting Ralph to comment: "You're a full on criminal, aren’t you?" Vanny has Ralph punch open the door, revealing a dark room with a red button in the middle. After pressing the button to reveal panels with pictures of karts on them, Vanny tells Ralph they actually have to make themselves a kart... Ralph: "What? No, no no. Look, kid, bad idea, trust me. I don’t make things, I break things." Vanny: "Well, looks like you’re gonna be stepping outside your comfort zone then, Gladys :-)" Wait, a Portal reference from her of all people?
After selecting herself a kart, the panel lifts to reveal a kart assembly line (bakery-themed, of course!) That's right, kart making is its own minigame :-) and they have one minute to win it (ooh, where's Guy Fieri? ;-)) The wide shot of each section is presented as if we were watching them play the game (replete with 3D-friendly zooming captions! :-)) The first is mixing, which calls for Vanny to use a steering wheel to tilt a teeter-totter to, as the voiceover explains, "Put the ingredients in the bowl and throw away the trash." And not vice versa, as Vanny is doing, as a hairbrush and a pair of undies join a TV, a hydrant, and a traffic cone in the mixing bowl, while a couple bags of flour and some eggs drop into the bin :-/
Ralph decides to take things into his own (enormous) hands by getting on the teeter-totter and punching the incoming stuff into its proper place, and ends up falling into the mixing bowl and getting himself whipped up with the ingredients :-D before being thoughtfully tossed out of the bowl :-) Okay, on to stage 2, baking: "Pump up the heat and hold the perfect temperature." This is done using a bike pump attached to the oven, which half-pint Vanny has no hope of operating... and which Ralph breaks in one push :-D So yeah, Ralph has to use his ginormous lungs to blow the needed wind into the oven, and he's near out of breath by the time the oven dings :-D
15 secs left for the final stage, decorating! In which Ralph has to shoot the appropriate targets on the decorating tubes with eggs (using a chicken shaped gun :-)) starting with wheels: "How many?" "Four, ga-doi :-)" Next up is a butt-load of frosting. Ralph hits the frosting... and causes a cascade of tube wreckage, with pretty much every kind of frosting and sprinkles dropping on the newly-baked kart :-D I've heard about going for broke, but this is ridiculous ;-)
Okay, so time's up and out comes the new kart...
And ain't she a beaut? :-)
(Disney Screencaps)
Ralph doesn't seem to like this hot mess very much, but Vanny loves it a lot, and even adds: "A work of art like this must be signed." With icing :-)
We get a good look at the security guard, and he's the mascot of cream puff chain Beard Papa :-) He notices the exhaust coming out the chimneys and sees (only) Vanny on his screens, and informs the King about it...
Back inside, the kart has been signed Made by Vanellope AND RALPH (emphasis NOT mine). Hey, Ralph did most of the heavy lifting, so it's only fair that he gives himself some credit ;-)
Vanny: "Whoa. You have teeth? I don't think I've ever seen you smile before." Ralph: "I’m not smiling. I was...I’m gassy, okay? :-)"
Suddenly, the door behind them opens to reveal King Candy, his donut cops, and some reinforcements, and he's pretty surprised to see Ralph is still in the game. Since Ralph's still holding the icing bag, he squeezes it right at the King and tells Vanny to start the kart. Vanny drops a bombshell: "I don’t know how to drive a real kart." "You don't what?!" :-D As the King makes a bon mot about being glazed :-D Ralph decides to propel the new kart along the ground, breaking a window in the process :-) as the King and his posse give chase in their vehicles. The truck carrying the reinforcements crashes after Vanny has Ralph make a hard turn off the road, before telling him to head to Diet Cola Mountain, which of course looks like a soda bottle. Vanny then has Ralph head towards the wall, more specifically an arch made of two sugar-free lollipops (Ralph: "Are you crazy?!?") Much to Ralph's surprise, they go straight through the wall and into the mountain, crashing inside... Outside the mountain, the King is puzzled at their sudden disappearance, and orders the donut cops to look for and destroy the kart, before driving off in disgust.
Inside the mountain, Ralph is really peeved that any hopes of ever getting that medal back now rest on a girl who can't even drive. Vanny: "Look wise guy, I know I’m a racer. I can feel it in my code." Vanny asks what's the deal with the medal, so Ralph explains that he lives in the garbage in his game and runs off a laundry list of how that medal was supposed to improve his life... including pie :-) Ralph: "It’s grown up stuff. You wouldn’t understand." Vanny: "No, I get it. That’s exactly what racing would do for me." Nevertheless, Ralph stomps down in frustration and suddenly hears an explosion from behind him, so he decides to check it out...
Ralph sees a big cavernous space, with a lake filled with soda and candy stalactites. He reads the convenient sign: "Diet cola hot springs. Watch out for falling Mentos." Vanny demonstrates by throwing a rock at the bottommost Mento on one stalactite, making it fall into the hot springs, and you know what happens when Mento meets diet cola? Sploosh!
Ralph gets splashed by the hot cola, as Vanny explains their surroundings, which includes a half-built track made of wafers, with a big jump over the cola: "I think it’s some sort of unfinished bonus level. Pretty cool, huh? I found that secret opening, and now I live here." Vanny shows off her (very) humble abode, where she wraps herself up in her candy wrapper blanket "like a little homeless lady :-)" Vanny lives here alone with the garbage, because "everyone here says I’m just a mistake, and that I wasn’t even supposed to exist. What do you expect?" Ralph asks why she doesn't just leave, and Vanny reveals: "Glitches can’t leave their games. It’s one of the joys of being me :-/" (And that's why a Portal reference makes no sense coming from her :-/) This will be important later, but anyways...
At this point Ralph begins to realize that he and Vanny are in the same boat, kindred spirits if you will, and decides to help out a fellow outcast the only way he knows how... by repeatedly slamming his fists into the ground to flatten it out. Vanny: "Hey, what are you doing? I know it’s a dump, but it’s all I got!" Ralph completes a circuit around the lake: "If you’re going to be a racer, you have to learn how to drive, and you can’t do that... without a track." Vanny is amazed at Ralph's mad road-making skills, as Ralph brings in her kart. Vanny is excited about learning to drive, but realizes something and asks: "Wait. Do you know how to drive?" Ralph: "Yeah. I mean, I haven’t done it, but look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?" Vanny: "You crashed it." :-D
So anyways, after Vanny starts the kart, Ralph looks at the three "buttons" on the floor, and Vanny corrects him: "Pedals." Ralph continues to show his lack of automotive knowledge, calling two of the pedals the go pedal and the stopper. He has no clue what the third one does, until Vanny fiddles with the joystick and gets the kart into gear, making it fly out of Ralph's grasp and making Ralph fall flat on his face :-D
And then we launch into a training montage, with a song choice that is either utter genius, or utterly tasteless: Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive" :-)
Now extra Hilarious in Hindsight :-)
(YouTube)
We see Vanny ramming Ralph with the front of her kart. Then ramming him with the back end. Then running into a stalagmite and the stalagmite falling over and hitting Ralph :-D
Okay, now time to actually show Vanny gradually improving her driving skills from non-existent to something resembling actual competence :-) So, Vanny starts to drive better, by which I mean she's no longer crashing into stalagmites and knows when to shift the gears, and look at her go... Vanny: "I told you, racing's in my code! :-)" Ralph's happy because winning back that medal is now an actual possibility. She decides to drive on the half-built wafer track, where she shows some awesome drift skills, but hitting the jump shows up a new issue with that glitch of hers: she and her kart suddenly glitch upwards mid-jump, causing her kart to clip a Mentos stalactite, dropping a whole bunch of them into the hot springs, and sending Ralph scurrying for dear life :-D
After making the jump and returning to Ralph's track, Vanny asks how she did. Ralph: "Well, you almost blew up the whole mountain..." And then on cue, another Mento drops into the cola with a SPLOOSH! :-D Vanny: "Right, right, that's a good note :-)" Ralph's not very happy about it: "You've got to get that glitch under control, kid!" Vanny promises she will, and asks what chance she has of winning. Ralph: "...Tiny." Vanny runs around enthusiastically and gives Ralph a fist bump: "Top shelf!"
Back at the King's castle, a stressed out King Candy is getting a fanning from Sour Bill when the donut cops return, and they didn't find Vanny either. Times like these call for desparate measures... so he heads to a vault guarded with a game controller. One guess as to the combination ;-)
(For the non-gamers in the audience, it's the Konami code :-))
With a licorice rope around his waist, the King heads into a big void filled with interconnected icons: "The code... It's the sweet life blood of the game." King looks around for the winner's cup and after finding it, double taps it to reveal icons for the coins... and Ralph's medal, which he takes. Next stop: A super-sized icon marked King Candy, which he again double taps and inserts the medal icon, after which the medal then appears on his neck. Nifty. He has Sour Bill pull him back out, and puts the candy in charge of the castle while he's out. And we ominously pull back out of the tangle of icons to reveal a single lonely icon far away from the others... marked Vanellope von Schweetz. Ooh...
Coming up: Time for some emotional wreckage...
